Thursday, June 21, 2012

I couldn't decide what I wanted to write about, so this is what you're getting instead


I do apologize for all the non-posts lately. I've just been so busy, but I don't want to leave you guys empty handed either.

When some random guy comes up and tries to dance with me at the club:

Also can anyone tell me what the fuck that is??

This is exactly why I never picked up any sport other than horseback riding:

When someone gives me tequila:

Every time I find out that a house that I love already has a lease put in on it:

Whenever I try to put my sunglasses on like a badass:

When I'm in the middle of a sentence and lose my train of thought:

What I want to do when someone sits right in my line of vision:

When I've had waaaaay too much caffeine:

When someone gets in trouble for something that was my idea, I stand there like:

Like I had nothing to do with it.

When I think my surprise is better than it actually is:

When I explain Pretty Little Liars to my cat:

When someone gets an attitude about our software at work and acts like its glitchiness is a personal slight against them, I REALLY want to do this:

and this:

When I hear my voice on a recording or see myself on video:

When I try to pretend that something someone said offended me:

When my friends and I are trying to get away with something, and they're being obvious, I'm like:

When something isn't done how I like it:

When I'm trying to watch what I eat, and someone buys sweets for the office:

When my sister starts asking me unnecessary questions because she's nosy, I'm like:

Arguing with a friend about who's right and who's wrong:

When someone outside of the argument asks me if what I'm saying is true, I'm like:

Finding out that I was right:

Being stuck in a situation where I'm forced to listen to other people's inane conversations:

When I drop a particularly tasty bit of food on the floor, I'm like:

When I compare my aspirations to my friends' aspirations:

When I'm drunk and leaving the bar:

When someone says something so stupid that it takes me a minute to process:

When my mom yells at me, but hears me talking shit as she walks away:

Okay, I'm done for today!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Dieting makes me an angry elf. You know, one of those South Pole elves.

I don't care what anyone says. Dieting blows major asshole. I don't even know if blowing asshole is a thing, but if it wasn't before, it is now. Because dieting is THAT bad.

I've heard people say, "Oh, you shouldn't diet! You should just eat healthy! You'll feel better!" or "It's not about being skinny; it's about being healthy!" And you know what kind of people they are? Other than horrible, horrible people? And yes, other than assholes that like to rub in the fact that you can't seem to drop that stubborn 20 lbs that insists on hanging and about the stomach and thighs area, and NOT the boobs area. You got it! They're skinny. They're horrible, horrible skinny assholes that like to rub in the fact that they're skinnier than you. And as far as I'm concerned need to go eat something. Preferably a big bowl of dick.

Sorry...I'm trying to "eat healthy", and it's not really working out for anyone at this point. Seriously. I would stab my own grandmother if I could eat a cheeseburger and a slice of chocolate cake and not only have the fat go straight to my boobs, but also lose weight everywhere else.

Oh, don't get your panties in a twist....both of my grandmothers have moved on to the big grandparent farm in the sky. They're playing fetch with Jesus...or catch. Whatever. I couldn't even stab them for a cheeseburger and/or a slice of chocolate cake if I wanted to.

This is how you make me feel, aforementioned people:

This is what I imagine doing every time you open your mouth:

What I actually want to do:

So yeah, that's all.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Another one!! Weeee!

Man, I don't know how you guys got so lucky!

Oh wait, yes I do. Jared's at work so I'm not in a hurry to get home, and I'm waiting for traffic to die down.

Are you guys ready? Alright, here we go! More GIFs!!

When my daydreams stray tragically off course, and I freak myself out:


What I think I look like:

What I actually look like:

Lately when I try to wear heels:

When someone tries to lecture me about smoking:

When I realize a dress has pockets:

When I go back and read some of my statuses or blog posts:

What I'm thinking when I have to be nice to someone I hate:

When I try to love on my cat, but she's not having it:

The Running Man

When other people do it:

When I do it: 

When I'm not paying attention to what someone's saying, and then they ask me a question

I'm like:

When I'm ready to go, but my friend is still talking:

When people say"That awkward moment when..."

When people say that they don't like Austin:

When someone can see that I'm on the phone, but then just stands there...staring:

When people don't understand what I'm trying to say without spelling it out:

When someone asks me a really inappropriate question:

When someone calls me in the middle of the night, waking me up from a really good sleep:

Anytime I offend someone who's overly sensitive, and they pout:

When someone I'm not sure I like tries to hug me:

When someone moves my stuff around without asking:

When someone I don't like insists that we're besties

I'm like: 

When someone yells at me and then walks away:

Okay, I'm done! I hope you guys enjoy looking at these as much as I enjoy posting them!