Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Battle Between Kirk and Spock

Things have been weird lately. Last Thursday I was laid off from the job I've had for the past three and a half years, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet. Mainly I'm excited because I've deluded myself into seeing it as a great adventure (NOW I CAN DECIDE WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! WAHOO!), but then the logical side insists on popping in fairly regularly with a rather (un)helpful and panic-making "Um, hey there, Captain Kirk, what are you going to do about a paycheck?"

The rest of the conversation goes a little like this:

Captain Kirk: "This is a good thing! I can figure out what it is that I really want to do with my life!"

Mr. Spock: "Well, yes, this is probably a good thing, but let's not get too carried away. Don't start dreaming of becoming a squirrel wrangler and starting your own squirrel farm just yet. You need to start searching for more...logical jobs that will earn actual money."

CK: "BAH! I wasn't even going to start a squirrel farm. I want to write! I want to write a novel and never have to go into an office again because fuck. that. noise."

MS: "...okay. But maybe find a job to earn money while you write? That sounds like a better idea. Let's do that. Because food is nice. So is having a car and a place to live."

CK: "But I don't want to do that. I just want to write. I want to wake up whenever I want to and just write things."

MS: "I'm pretty sure that's not how it works. But I'll humor you. What have you written?"

CK: "..."

MS: "..."

CK: "..."

MS: "...have you written anything?"

CK: "I've written...things."

MS: "What things?"

CK: "Well...ideas. For things."

MS: "...Ideas for things? What does that even mean? Like a grocery list? A note on a calendar? A text message?"

CK: "NO! I've written ideas down for book and short story ideas."

MS: Sigh. "Well, I guess we have to start somewhere. Tell me about these ideas."

CK: "Well, there was this idea that I had for a vampire book.."

MS: "Hasn't that been done?"

CK: "Yes, but not like this! I was going to take everything that makes the main character a vampire and throw it out the window! Sunlight won't kill him or make him sparkle."

MS: "Well, thank God for that."

CK: "And garlic and crosses won't repel him. He's not really immortal, and he doesn't really drink blood."

MS: "So...he's not a vampire?"

CK: "No, he is! See how it's different?"

MS: "Oh, I see how it's different. It's a vampire book about a normal guy. Is he at least goth?"

CK: "That's offensive."

MS: "It most definitely is. Please let that idea go to the Great Idea Farm in the sky. What else?"

CK: "If you're going to have that kind of attitude about it, I'm not going to tell you anymore."

MS: "I'm sorry. Really. Please tell me more."

CK: "You know I can detect sarcasm even in thought right? I can feel you rolling your eyes"

MS: "Of course you can. They're your eyes too. Now, what are your other ideas?"

CK: "..."

MS: "..."

CK: "..."

MS: "...are you going to tell me?"

CK: "Fine. I was thinking about writing a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey."

MS: "Oh good lord, we're going to starve."

So yeah.

This post was originally going to be very ranty because of what bullshit the corporate world is, but then I started looking up Neil Gaiman quotes, and that mellowed me out. Gaiman's the man.

Oh, and if there is anyone that reads my blog in the hopes that they'll get to see that life has taken a dump on my chest:

I guess Gaiman didn't mellow me out that much. Whoops.