Thursday, May 10, 2012

It speaks and writes correctly or else it gets the hose again...

Seriously…what has happened to us? No one can be bothered to speak and spell correctly anymore. I wasn’t aware there was an ‘F’ in ‘birthday’ and ‘mouth’….and ‘teeth’. Oh wait, that’s right…because there isn’t!! And did you see what I did there? I used the correct “there/their/they’re”. It’s really not that hard, I promise. I know you think your brain is going to explode because you’re not used to using the sophisticated rules of the English language properly (or at all, for that matter), but I assure you, your empty brain is in no danger of suddenly bursting into flames. Actually, it’s quite the opposite; if you start speaking and writing correctly I probably won’t set you on fire. I say probably only because honestly, you’ve already done a lot of damage. So much so that I might not be able to stop myself.

That or I'll send him to your job to dance around you like this all day...Don't look at me like that; you do it to yourself.

Like I've said in the past, I’m no longer claiming the status of grammar Nazi because it’s too much pressure. I know this may come as a shock to many of you, but I make mistakes too. I will occasionally ‘eff up’, and I don’t want all 5 of you demanding that the streets run red with my blood. Because to be honest, I don’t have enough blood for that. It’s like you guys don’t even know how the human body works. Really, I’m looking out for you guys; I don’t want y’all to get bent out of shape because y’all were planning on flooding the streets with my copious amounts of blood, and only end up with enough for a comparatively tiny stream of blood. If anything, you guys should be thanking me.

You’re welcome.

Anyway, that’s not the point. My point was that we all make mistakes. We are educated in the ways of the English language and use it freely. Good for us! We also mess up sometimes when we’re flustered or in a rush. It happens. This post is not for those people. This post is for the people who talk like they have a goddamn mouth full of mush, and for the people who type lyk dis XD!!!!!!!!! <3333333

….I don’t think you even realize how close you come to me setting you on fire. Especially the people that I know personally. The fuck, y’all??
Every time I see someone type some stupid-ass bullshit like this:

"Hey sis how u an lil man doin????? Me an tha babies doin fine i ask them who u was they said thats TT *** smh dey dont forget nobody we miss yall an also we enjoyed yall when yall was down here hope to see yall soon!!!!"

I want to put my fist through my computer. What the….fuck w-…was that even English??

Say 'birfday' again. Say 'birfday' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say 'birfday' one more Goddamn time!
And somehow I'm Samuel L. Jackson again for this story. This shouldn't surprise anyone.


  1. If we have kids, I'm going to beat them with a pillowcase full of bricks if they ever think it's okay to talk like that. I love this post. Guest post on my blog sometime.

  2. You and me both lady...and when CPS is called because I'm beating my children with a brick-filled pillowcase, I'm going to tell them that this is natural selection. Parents in the animal kingdom ABANDON their offspring for god sakes.At least I'm giving my children the option to correct their douche-nuggetry. Once they stop talking like they've had a stroke (no offense to stroke guys are doing GREAT *double thumbs up*), they can live in the house, beating-free. Sorry, I rambled again...what I meant by all that was, "Yes, I'd love to guest post of your blog sometime."