A Fauxst. Because Blogger is a fucker.

Blogger fucked with my emotions. It made me feel like I might actually be funny. I received an email letting me know that someone had commented on one of my posts. Before I opened it, I was nervous....what if they told me I was stupid and my blog sucked and I wasn't funny- like at all? I decided to open it anyway, and it was super nice! And from someone I didn't know! So I clicked on the link to my post, and.....it wasn't there! This post said there were no comments! What the hell?? But....my email....said. Fine. I'll go check out the comments on my dashboard.

Mother. Fucker.

It was spam.

Seriously?? Sails - Wind = Me.

Whatever. Because of that, you guys are getting what I have deemed a "fauxst". Shut up, spell check; I know it's not a real word. I just made it up. Actually, I see your red squiggly line, and I raise you an "Add to Dictionary". Bam! In your face, spell check.

Just to reiterate and illustrate (look at me, dropping rhymes and shit), how I felt when I thought I had a legit comment:

How I felt when I realized it was spam:

When I over share:

When I completely make something up that ends up being really clever or insightful:

When I think someone's about to spill a secret, I look at them like:

When I try to rap along with Karmin, Busta Rhymes, or Ludacris:

When I say something really out there, and my friends are like:

When I'm so angry that what I'm trying to say comes out wrong:

How I feel when a video keeps buffering:

When someone says something insensitive via text:

When someone asks me if I'm drunk (and I am):

When my ex-boyfriend approaches me at the bar:

When someone says something insulting, but then follows it up with "Just kidding!!":

When someone I don't invites me to their birthday party:

When they mention that  there's going to be cake:

When someone thinks that I know something incriminating about them, I look at them like:

How I feel compared to pretty much everyone downtown:

When I'm trying not to laugh at a really inappropriate moment:

The South is full of people like this (I'm sure I'm going to get A LOT of hate about this):

Which means that I spend a lot of my time like this:

When I go to bars nowadays:

It seems like I always get the overly chatty waiter when I'm starving:

When a bug flies at me:

When someone approaches me about their bullshit cause:

What I imagine is going to happen every time I grab my luggage off of the carousel:

When it doesn't:

When I have a plan worked out perfectly, but the universe has other plans:

When I get bad news, but I'm trying not to get pissed off about it:

When someone that I don't like wants to hang out:

When I hug someone that is actually shorter than me (not that it happens very often):

Which would explain why I'm so bad at it.

Okay, that's it for now.